RFC 2323

1. Abstract 🎀

okay so this RFC is basically a guideline to help IETF conferences run more efficiently when it comes to identification and security protocols 💅 with special focus on a very specific sub-group of IETF people: "facial hairius extremis" 🧔✨

this document is gonna shed more light on these problems and suggest some possible solutions 🔥

also this memo provides entertainment for the Internet community 🎉 it does not specify an Internet standard of any kind, it's unstandard, actually 💀 please laugh loud and hard 😭

Title block: RFC 2323, IETF Identification and Security Guidelines, by A. Ramos (ISI), Category: Informational, dated 1 April 1998 🌸 It's an Informational doc, not a standard, and the header doesn't list anything it obsoletes or updates.

---

Network Working Group · Request for Comments: 2323 · Author: A. Ramos, ISI · Category: Informational · 1 April 1998 🦋

---

Status of this Memo 🧚

this memo gives info to the Internet community 💜 it's not a standard of any kind, and it can be shared as much as you want 🌈

Copyright Notice 💖

Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998). All Rights Reserved. 🫶

2. Introduction 🍓

so it has come to the attention of THEY [1] 👀 that a certain "facial hairius extremesis" of the male variety of the species "homo sapien" from the sub-culture "computeris extrordinarisis" has totally overrun IETF conferences 😭 and that's led to the break-down of a bunch of identification and safety protocols 💀

3. Per Capita (Anecdotal) Evidence 📊

while I was researching the sub-group "facial hairius extremis" (FHE) 🧔, I noticed that the per capita appearance of FHEs at IETFs is way disproportionate to how many FHEs exist in the world-at-large 😳 like, facial hair at all is extraordinarily common among the males in this group 🔥 apart from ZZ-Top and WWF Wrestling, you literally cannot find more facial hair in any occupational group 💀 in my own experience, the average amount of men with long-term facial hair is less than 20% 📉

long-term versus short-term facial hair is a super important distinction ✨ short-term facial hair, aka the temporary illness "goatee universitis" (symptoms range from full goatees to the less popular chin-goatee) is a very common affliction for university-based males 🎓 per capita (temporary) facial hair can go as high as 40% 🙈 BUT among the males of the IETF, per capita long-term facial hair is as high as 60% [2] 😱💅

ordinarily this abundance of long-term FHE wouldn't require an RFC to be written 💁‍♀️ however, there have been more and more issues with mistaken identification 😩 for security purposes as well as ease of identification, this RFC will clarify these issues and hopefully provide a solution 🎀

4. Mistaken Identification Syndrome (or "Are you --jon. or Scott?") 🙃

I was talking to a super well-known network researcher, who I'll call --jon., and he tells me he's often mistaken for a SOBbing Harvard person 💀 --jon. says, "People tell someone to look for me or him and say that I'm about so-tall with a big white beard, and suddenly people are coming up to me and saying, 'Hi Scott' and he often tells me that he is mistakenly hailed as, '--jon.'. Often the mistake is made solely on the appearance of our facial hair." 😭🧔

another story --jon. told me: once a woman called looking for a computer researcher, but she only had a first name and a physical description 📞 the receptionist asked for the description, and the woman said she was looking for an older Caucasian man with a beard 👀 the receptionist reportedly blurted out, "they all have beards!!!!" 💀💀💀

on a more personal note, two researchers who were both employed at USC/ISI shaved their very famous facial hair 😱 and were both unrecognizable to friends and co-workers alike 🙈 if it weren't for B.M.'s Grateful Dead T-shirts and lack of shoes, or R.V.M.'s voice, I would have never recognized them 🌈

5. Security Considerations 🔐

it's obvious to me as a researcher that facial hair of any variety is a very recognizable characteristic 🚨 when someone describes a male with facial hair, it's always one of the first things they mention 👀 usually this wouldn't be a problem, since facial hair in the world at large is below 20% 📉 but when it's used as a description at IETFs, disaster can ensue 😭🔥

6. Solutions 💡

there are two parts to my proposed solution: the role of the seeker and the role of the FHE 🫶

for those who are seeking a FHE of known identity:

• It is important to recognize these men as individuals. 🦋

Just because a man has the facial hair you're looking for, please stop and ask if you have the correct person 🙏 think about what a blow it is to someone's ego to be constantly misidentified 💔 and think about how annoying it is to be hailed by someone across a crowded IETF room when they're yelling the WRONG NAME 💀 so remember to look, identify, and ask BEFORE you start rambling on about some Internet stuff 🤓✨

for the FHE:

• Give proper signals when being sought. 🚦

If someone mistakenly calls you the wrong name, don't lose heart 💖 count to 10 and calmly reply, "You must have mistaken me for so-and-so, I am not that person.", then walk away 🚶‍♀️ also, if someone calls you from across a room, raise your arm, smile, and wave vigorously to affirm, or raise your arm, shake your head, and give them a sign that you're not who they're looking for 🙌 as an FHE, it's part of your responsibility to understand that facial hair is an extremely identifiable physical characteristic 🧔 and understand that non-FHE people don't mean any harm 🫶

7. Conclusion 👑

so yeah, I hope you found this RFC worthwhile and that it raised some interesting points ✨ I also hope I was able to further the cause of FHE and make everyone's life a little bit easier ;^) 🥹💅

8. References 📚

[1] THEY
    THEY, "We Who Everyone Quotes But Doesn't Know Who We Are", Pop
    Culture, April 1998.

[2] 60% of IETF men have facial hair
    A. Ramos, "Damn, A Lot Of Men Here Have Facial Hair", ISI Talk,
    September 1997.

9. Acknowledgements 💜

I want to thank the men of ISI who inspired me to write this RFC 🧔🫶 I hope my work makes life easier for you, and that cases of mistaken identity won't be as common in the future because of it 🙏 I understand your plight and I feel for you 😭 good luck bestie 🍀

thanks to my life partner, Martin, whose reoccuring affliction of goatee universitis is a constant source of joy for me 🥰🌸

10. Author's Address 📮

Alegre Ramos USC/ISI 4676 Admiralty Way #1001 Marina del Rey, CA 90292

Phone: 310-822-1511 x153 EMail: ramos@isi.edu

11. Full Copyright Statement ⭐

Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998). All Rights Reserved.

this document and translations of it may be copied and furnished to others 🌈 and derivative works that comment on or otherwise explain it, or assist in its implementation, may be prepared, copied, published, and distributed, in whole or in part, without restriction of any kind, as long as the above copyright notice and this paragraph are included on all such copies and derivative works ✨ however, this document itself may not be modified in any way, such as by removing the copyright notice or references to the Internet Society or other Internet organizations 🚫 the exceptions are when it's needed for developing Internet standards (then the procedures for copyrights defined in the Internet Standards process must be followed) or when it's required to translate it into languages other than English 🌍

the limited permissions granted above are perpetual and will not be revoked by the Internet Society or its successors or assigns 💎

This document and the information contained herein is provided on an "AS IS" basis and THE INTERNET SOCIETY AND THE INTERNET ENGINEERING TASK FORCE DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY WARRANTY THAT THE USE OF THE INFORMATION HEREIN WILL NOT INFRINGE ANY RIGHTS OR ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. 💅