GONG(1fun)

🎀 GONG 🎀

okay bestie, sit DOWN, because this one is a whole experience. it's gong, from section 1fun of the manual (yes, there's a fun section, and yes, this is its crown jewel 👑). no cap, this is the manual page you read when you want your OS to have opinions.

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✨ NAME ✨

gong — evaluate process performance 💅

like, it's literally a performance review. for a process. that's the whole thing. iconic.

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🦋 SYNOPSIS 🦋

gong [-f] [-a] process-id

that's it, that's the whole incantation, she's lowkey elegant 🍓

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💜 DESCRIPTION 💜

so here's the tea, bestie. gong is used to evaluate the performance of a process that is in execution. yes, like, a process that's actively running. you're judging it while it works. main character energy honestly.

the process-id is the process number of the process whose performance is to be evaluated. gotta know who you're reviewing, obviously. 🙈

now, the evaluation is not done by one hater. it's done by a set of three ``panelist'' routines, and each one analyzes one aspect of the performance of the process:

• time ⏰
• space 🌌
• tonality 🎵

three panelists. three vibes. three chances to flop. 💀

and here's the part where it gets spicy: if any of these routines is not amused by the performance, the process being analyzed is sent the gong(2) signal. not amused = gonged. periodt.

in addition, the process-id of the evaluated process is written on the standard gong, for possible future corrective action. and okay, a tip straight from the page itself: (it is suggested that the standard gong be an audible alarm for proper effect.) 🔔 so like, make it LOUD. the drama is the point.

and then — bestie — it is expected that after being gong(2)ed, the process will promptly commit suicide. that's not me being dark, that's literally the spec. 😭 the process hears the gong and simply chooses to end things. no further discussion. no appeal process.

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🔥 the flags, aka the OPTIONS 🔥

• -f — the keyletter argument that indicates gong is to invoke flog(1) with the unmerciful argument if the process does not respond to gong(2)ing. yes, unmerciful is a real argument and no, I will not be explaining further, it's right there. 🫶

heads up: in the absence of this argument, the process is continuously gong(2)ed, which may lead to the process becoming a deaf zombie. that's not a metaphor, that's the documentation. continuous gonging = deaf zombie. you've been warned. 🧟

• -a — the keyletter argument that indicates that if all three of the panelist routines gong(2) a process, the process should be unmercifully flog(1)ged whether or not the -f keyletter is supplied. so like, unanimous panel decision = automatic flogging, no -f required. democracy has consequences. 💅

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🫶 FILES 🫶

• /dev/ding.dong is the standard gong. 🛎️

yes. that's the path. it's a whole vibe, it's giving "someone's very funny friend wrote this in 1980s Bell Labs", and honestly? slay.

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🌈 SEE ALSO 🌈

okay so for further reading, the page cites:

On the Applicability of Gonging to the Performance and Merit Review Process, Journal of Irreproducible Results, vol. 263, issue 19, pp. 253-307.

a peer-reviewed journal about gonging. i'm obsessed. genuinely. the academic rigor?? unmatched. 📚✨

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💀 BUGS 💀

okay this is the part where we hold hands, bestie, because this is real:

if the named process does not exist, it is possible that gong will attempt an evaluation of itself. 😭 which may lead to a condition known as compounded double ringing (see echo(1)).

not me gonging myself. NOT ME GONGING MYSELF. 🙈

therefore, it is recommended that gong be used with extreme care.

extreme. care. not normal care. extreme. this is a load-bearing warning, don't skim it. 🚨

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and that's the page, bestie!! 💖 this lil masterpiece comes to you from the GONG(1fun) manual — section 1fun, the fun one, as the footer tells you — and there's no date stamp on it, because honestly? it's timeless. a classic. a legend. she ate and left no crumbs. 🎀✨🦋🌸💅