RTFM(1fun)

📦 version 2.3, in ubuntu jammy

💅 RTFM — the fun-page (section 1fun)

okay bestie, sit down, hydrate, and let me tell you about rtfm ✨

🎀 NAME 🎀

rtfm — the official response for easy questions from clueless lusers 💀

🌸 SYNOPSIS 🌸

rtfm [ -p ] [ -h ] [ -d option ] [ -i interval ] [ -a action ] [ -q
luser]

🦋 DESCRIPTION 🦋

so rtfm is literally the command sysadmins pull out when they're dealing with brand-new users, no cap. it's especially useful when someone is having trouble with their pictures downloaded from alt.binaries.pictures.erotica 😭 like that's the whole vibe, that's the use case, i don't make the rules.

rtfm will keep running and running and running until you kill it by hand, using kill processid. periodt. it does not stop on its own, it has main character energy and refuses to exit.

and the gatekeeping? minimal, honestly. rtfm can be invoked by anyone who has enough of a clue to know what a man page is 👑 that's the bar, bestie, that's it.

✨ OPTIONS ✨

  • -p — give the answer in a polite fashion 🫶 yes, politeness is a flag, it is not default, we're being real here.
  • -h — tell the clueless luser to go to hell 🔥 and here's the iconic combo: used with the -p option, they'll look forward to the trip 🌈
  • -d option — debug mode, using option, where option is one of the following:
    • query — ask the luser what part of rtfm that he or she does not understand 🙈
    • planet — ask what planet the luser is from 🪐
    • literacy — ask the luser if the luser can read 📖
    • english — ask the luser if the luser understands English 🗣️
    • Mac — ask the luser if the luser has ever used a computer other than a Macintosh 🍎
    • Nintendo — same as the Mac option, but slightly more harsh 💀
  • -i interval — enable within interval seconds. interval is the time between a luser asking the same damn fool question 😤 this option must be activated for the -a option, no exceptions. it stores the time of the question in /var/run/luser and checks that file each time that rtfm is activated. interval is a number of minutes, of the form xxx.xx where each x is a decimal digit. the default is 5.00 minutes ⏰
  • -a action — this defines some action to be taken in the event that the -i flag condition is met. action can be defined either at the flag level or by a file 📁 the options for flags are as follows:
    • scream — let out a scream of utter frustration 😱
    • hair — rip out your hair in total frustration 😭
    • rm — automatic command ran in lusers home directory 💀 it can have an addition -rf flag added 🚨
    • ignore — ignore the luser 🙈
    • warn — warn the other sysadmins 📣
    • forward — forward to CNS advising. particullary if the complaint is /dev/null is full 💀
    • kill — kill all the lusers processes 🔥
    • FILE=file.name — use a file to define a course of actions 📜 this can be any executable file **except those using ksh, which no god-fearing right-thinking sysadmin would be caught using lest he be struck down by the wrath of God ⚡ (that's a direct quote, i'm not touching it, i am not that brave)
  • -q luser — query file /etc/luser to see if luser is a real luser or a first time luser 🔍

🍓 FILES 🍓

/etc/luser

🧚 SEE ALSO 🧚

mr.biff(2),

(yes it's just the one, and yes it has a trailing comma, we keep the source material exactly as it is 💅)

👑 BUGS 👑

listen, it's giving "known issues", and we respect the transparency:

  • rtfm only checks /var/run/luser when the -a option is specified and after the -i option is invoked. otherwise /tmp would fill up rapidly on many systems 💀
  • also, core may dump if the -a FILE= option is anatomically impossible 🫠
⚠️ bestie that second one is a real warning, not a bit — core may dump, and you should know that going in.

that's the whole page, no notes 💖 written by GNU Utilities, dated July 27, 1997 — a vintage queen, honestly, an absolute icon from another era 🌈 slay, and remember: read the fine manual, or the manual will read you 🎀

📦 where this page comes from