NCPUS(1)

💅 NCPUS(1) — like, the manual page for ncpus, bestie

okay so you opened the manual for ncpus (section 1, user commands, iykyk) and honestly? it's a whole vibe. tiny tool, big main character energy. let's get into it 🫶

✨ NAME ✨

ncpus — print the number of virtual CPUs 🌸

like. that's it. that's the job. and she does it flawlessly 💖

✨ SYNOPSIS ✨

ncpus [ +n | n | -n ]

three little moods, one iconic little binary 🎀

✨ DESCRIPTION ✨

okay so ncpus prints the number of virtual CPUs to standard output. that's the whole thing. no cap. 👑

but here's where it gets interesting, bestie, because the argument changes everything:

• pass the +n argument and it prints the number of processors +n ➕
• pass the -n argument and it prints the number of processors -n ➖

and literally the most important part, do not skip this: if the result of that -n math comes out less than 1, ncpus prints 1. she said "we are NOT going below one, periodt." 🙈💅

• pass the n argument and ncpus prints n. that's it. just n. no math, no drama, she's literally just repeating you back ✨

also! ncpus ignores malformed argument. so if you hand her something cursed, she's just gonna... not engage. not a single reaction. queen behavior honestly 💀

side note bestie: this program is a part of the Middleman System (mdm). so if you're deep in mdm land, that's why she's here 🦋

✨ EXIT STATUS ✨

the exit status of ncpus is 0. always. she's never stressed, she's never failing, she's never giving you a nonzero anything. icon. 🔥

✨ SEE ALSO ✨

• mdm.screen(1) — go read that one next, bestie, the lore continues 🌈

that's the whole page, no notes 💜 and for the sign-off: this manual is from the Linux crew, dated 2009-03-10, and it lives in section NCPUS(1). vintage but still slaying, fr fr ⭐🎀